for Julie, on the occasion of her birthday

perched above you,
he
and
I
see
each moment. Each
reaction to breath. eager
for sun and moon. bloom,
bloom,
into
new poppy.

perched above you,
he
and
I
see
each others moments. Each
wing and breath. honoring
sun and moon,
above our
blooming,
blooming,
poppy.

Painting by Rachel Austin

still new

i am still here and i'm still new.

new to the day's opportunities.
new to listening to my own voice.
new to creating the life i want for myself.
new to letting go of the past.
for the
sake.of.my.future.

confessions on a tuesday eve

I am struck by the following on this humid tuesday night:

1. i never get tired of watching pride and prejudice.ever.

2. six years into home ownership and i'm starting to feel comfortable taking control of my space.

3. i can't believe july is almost over. 2009 was a conspiracy. it's come and gone with suspicious celerity.

4. my nephew, zachary, has stolen my heart. Actually, he stole it when I met him as a two-year-old, and i never got it back. i wish i could clone him. well really, i just wish he lived closer to his aunt amy. he left indy today and i am in a melancholy room.


5. when in a melancholy room, watching a comforting, familiar movie, thinking about renovating my home, my darling nephew and the rapid passage of time, it's important to drink beer, listen to wicked and memorialize what's on my heart in the form of blogging.

thirty five in two days

thirty 5
30 five
20 fifteen
oh hell- 35.

Feels like I just turned 30 a year ago. I was all worked up to be leaving my twenties. I had to get a dog, buy a house, get a tatoo, (among other things) to usher in my thirties- make it an event. My hope was that my thirties would be much better than my twenties. And, I'm happy to report, they sure as hell have been.

That being said, I'm in a state of denial that five years have flown by in a blink of an eye and a shot or two (or five hundred) of vodka. The last five years have been good to me in many ways, but I'm officially in my middle thirties. Help.

I heard recently that 50 is the new 30. So , I'm banking on 35 being the new 18. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm young, ambitious and hopeful. god damn the cellulite, though!

Here's to 35. I'm going to celebrate and hope that the next five years go just a little slower.

54- Tao Te Ching

Whoever is rooted in the Tao
will not be rooted up.
Whoever embraces the Tao
will not slip away.
Her name will be held in honor
from generation to generation.

Let the Tao be present in your life
and you will become genuine.
Let it be present in your family
and your family will flourish.
Let it be present in your country
and your country will be an example
to all countries in the world.
Let it be present in the universe
and the universe will sing.

How do I know this is true?
By looking inside myself.

9- Tao Te Ching

"Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be your prisoner.

Do your work, and then step back.
The only path to serenity."

Love after Love, by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door. in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life. whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters fro the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.